


Love Always, Your Friend

by Anonymous



Category: The Perks of Being a Wallflower - Fandom
Genre: Gen, Hospitals, Mental Illness, Panic Attacks, RIP, Sensory Overload, Sensory Processing Disorder, Suicide, Therapeutic Letter Writing, Therapy, and never sent, and this probably sucks, angst-ish, but not really, dissociative disorder, for nanowrimo, i mean ive got bad writing its inevitable, i mean like its fanfiction dude LMAO, idk - Freeform, im bored so i wrote the letters that ‘friend’ wrote back to charlie, selfharm, shes kinda emotional, uh
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-04
Updated: 2020-11-04
Packaged: 2021-03-08 22:28:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 3,258
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27374209
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Dear Charlie,I am unsure if I should keep writing back. I do write them intending to send them to you and give you advice, but when I write it feels like I am writing too much about myself and too little about you.Which is what you started sending me letters for. I do feel quite bad about it, and would like to include more advice than my personal life, but I think you’d feel bad too, because everyone needs someone to spill to, and I was that person for you, and maybe since you arent going to get these letters, you’ll be that person for me. Thanks Charlie.Love always,Your Friend
Relationships: None, i havent decided yet so ill add when something pops up, or some
Kudos: 2
Collections: Anonymous





	1. August 23, 1995

August 23, 1995,

Dear Charlie,

I found your address.

I know you’ve stopped writing me, and that I’m probably the last thing on your mind by now(you should be a senior this year, right?) but I’ve dug up all my letters and I just want someone to know that I listened, because I don’t know you at all but I’m worrying anyways, so I’m sending the letters that I wrote and never could send back when you were a freshman because I am worrying and just want to squash the worry.

I know you probably know me and who I am and was in 1991 because she probably talked very loud about who I was and what kind of person I was at the time. I did not sleep with that person, even though I could have, because I didn’t want to.

I hope she is doing well, even though we are on bad terms now, since she did end up thinking I slept with that person, which I didn’t. I’ll refer myself as Friend, even though you probably know my name, and you, Charlie, which maybe isn’t your real name but I’ve associated you with it and would feel weird to change now, even though I know what your name is.

Love always,

Your Friend


	2. August 27, 1991

August 27, 1991,

Dear Charlie,

I think I know who you’re talking about when you say she. She is one of my long distance friends, but we’re kind of standing on the fringes and threads of it because she does think I slept with that person.

I do like to listen and it’s nice that she said so but it does feel like that’s all I am used for. Don’t get me wrong, it’s alright that you’re sending me letters because I know that everyone needs someone who can listen, because it’s hard to keep it in. 

I’m sorry that your bestfriend Michael shot himself. I am also sorry if I’m being blunt. I don’t get to address many serious problems because most things that people come to me about are things like boyfriends and rude parents and annoying siblings. I think that the closest thing was when my mom and my dad almost separated but then my mom got pregnant again.

Sorry if I’m getting off topic. Letters make me nervous because I can’t really erase what I write, so I end up just keeping whatever spilled out of my thoughts on the page. I’m doing it again.

Your brother sounds very nice. Michael sounds like he was nice too. I think I get what they meant as problems at home. I had problems at home too, but it’s all good now. I don’t think it was to the degree that Michael’s were, though. 

I think you’ll do great in highschool. I think I’m doing alright. I have a large group of friends and they all listen to me because I usually give the best advice and things work when I’m around and I give advice. I’m unsure if they actually like me or if it’s because know they can get away with things when I’m there because I have a good record at school.

My school, St. Arthur Clay’s, doesn’t have many kids with good records, because we are usually known as those broke schools because it’s neighborhood isn’t very nice. Mom and Dad didn’t want to send me here because of that but it was closest to our house. I have to take a bus pretty far for it, even though it’s the closest, because I don’t live in the not nice neighborhood.

Many of my friends are, though. Jamie and Clarisse, who are twins, live in a suburban loop-de-loop which sound nicer than it is, but I dont say, because I know they’re sensitive about things like money. Carmen lives in an apartment that everyone who lived around didn’t want because they said it would reduce the value of their own houses but I don’t think the house had much value in the first place. 

Duncan also lives in an apartment but it’s okay because it’s above a bookstore and most people don’t even notice that anyone lives above it. Stephanie is Duncan’s neighbor who is our friend, but she just moved to Clay’s, because her grandparents funded a lot of her school and she went to a bunch of fancy girls private school all her life, like Katherine Stocking’s Prep School for Proper Girls, which I was supposed to go to, but I said I could take the bus to Clay’s and Stephanie said she needed real life experience, so she moved to our dump school. 

Thomas lives right in front of Clay’s, but it is one of the nicer houses. Although his lawn is a bit overgrown and his fence needs repainting atleast it has alright plumbing, unlike a few other people I know. 

Then, Amelie, who has a half brother named Jason who sometimes hangs out with us, but usually doesn’t because he’s always either late to school or doesn’t come to school at all, or hangs out with some of the rougher, ruder kids at school, is the vice principal’s daughter.

Jason and Amelie are half siblings, but they don’t live together since, according to what Amelie told me, “Dom(Jason’s dad)dissolved into a deadbeat drunk who nearly hit my mom, so she divorced him, but didn’t get custody of Jason, because my grandparents took him in instead. Mom trusted them, but they died when Jason was 13, so he’s been living there since. Mom is trying real hard to get custody of Jason, and I’ve gotten close with him so I hope so, too.”

Sorry if that’s a lot of information. I don’t get to tell people a lot of things, either, because I am still unsure if people like me or I’m just a good stress reliever. My mom and dad depend on me too, and I know they love me, but I am unsure, all the same with my friends, if they actually love me.

I know that my little siblings do, though. I have a younger brother in middle school, his name is Andrew. He likes to play guitar and I think he’s in a band, but he also thinks he’s keeping it secret. We know he goes to his friend’s house and plays all night, because Mom heard from Simon(Andrew’s friend,)’s mom that they were racking up a whole lot of noise in the garage. I don’t know why he keeps it a secret. I think it’s because he feels like his life is boring, so he needs some thrill. 

Junith, who goes by Junie, because she thinks Junith feels too old(all three of us were named after family members who passed already—a little odd and creepy feeling, but mom and dad don’t like it when we say that,) is just starting middle school. Her and all her chatty little friends are kind of annoying, but I guess that’s what little siblings are for.

I think I’ve written a little too much. Sorry. I guess this is goodbye for now.

Love always,

Your Friend


	3. September 10, 1991

September 10, 1991

Dear Charlie,

I knew, and still know, a lot of people like Susan. But especially in middle school, and in my freshman year. I’m a sophmore. Did I mention that already? If I did, sorry. I get carried away sometimes, and it’s a little hard to know what I did in real life and what I did in my head.

Anyways. There was this one guy I knew since, like, elementary. He wasn’t anything special, and we weren’t close. He was just this guy I knew for a long time, and I’d wave at him in the halls if we passed eachother. His name was David, and he moved schools for a few years. A hockey school, I think. Or was it football? No matter, when he came back in freshman year, or the summer of, he was a real jerk.

David used to be nice, and he was real good at whichever sport he played. He taught us, sometimes, the mechanics of the game and that he really wanted to play professional when he was older. David actually dated Carmen, when we were like, 13, but whatever, he was a good guy to her. They split when he moved, and when he moved to Clay’s, alongside two or three of his equally crap teammates, he didn’t spare a glance at Carmen.

She wasn’t expecting anything grand, like a heart wrenching reunion or anything, but she did expect maybe a hello, or a i missed you. She was pretty down for a few days, but then she started dating Duncan, who she realized was her neighbor, and a guy that reminded her a lot of David pre-sport school. I am also unsure if Carmen actually likes Duncan, but they seem to be pretty good right now, so I usually toss the thought along with the rest.

The reason I’m telling you these things, and sorry if it felt like I was drifting away into other topics, I promise I wasn’t, is that people change. I mean, I am definitely not the same person I was when I was a freshman, which even though was only a year ago, was a bad time compared to now.

Nothing real dramatic happened, I guess I just let my thoughts get ahead and ahold of me, since my mom and dad were looking into another divorce, and Junie was having trouble at school and Andrew was being a right ass about a lot of things. He’s a teenager, though, so I pretty much let go of it. Junie was only 10 at the time, and it wouldn’t be right for me to be mad at her, at all, so I let it to too. I think I wanted to be mad, at someone, and probably my parents, but things got to be too much at the time, so I forgot to, and how, to be mad and just let everyone run circles and lines over me because I forgot how to say I’d had enough, too. 

Eugh. I keep doing that. I don’t want things to get ahead of me anymore, because people will get worried and I don’t really like worrying, so I try not to worry anyone. 

I’m sorry that that Sean kid tried to fight you. It’s good that you knew self defense. Your brother’s a good guy for teach you that. I haven’t gotten in any fights, but at Clay’s it’s pretty common, so I did have to learn a little bit of it from Jason and Stephanie. Carmen also bought me a pepper spray can last winter, because she said guys can get a little too rough at parties. So far, luckily, I haven’t had to use it, but I do keep it on me a lot. 

I know it’s maybe a little rude, and definitely stereotypical, but I always bring it with me when I’m at parties in Clay’s neighborhood and when I go to school, but I less likely bring it when I’m in my own neighborhood. But from what I’ve heard from Clarisse, too, is that it’s right for me to be stereotypical. Duncan even said he had to beat up a guy because he wouldn’t get off Amelie. 

I also know you’ll make friends. A guy like you is a nice guy. It doesn’t matter if it takes a long time, I know you won’t be lonely. If you like, you can count me as your first friend in highschool. You’re already addressing me as friend, too.

Love always,

Your Friend


	4. September 12, 1991

September 12, 1991,

Dear Charlie,

She cut me off. She ended up thinking I did sleep with him. I didn’t, and even though I can’t remember that night and I heard a lot of noises that were either crashing and yelling or just muffles, I wasn’t drunk, or high or on any drugs. I know I didn’t sleep with him.

I’ve read _To Kill A Mockingbird_. It’s extraordinary. I also think I saw your brother on tv, but I won’t say it or write it or research you because I know you don’t want me to find you, and I think I wouldn’t want anyone I didn’t know to find me either, especially after I’ve gone into a lot of detail about myself and my life. He’s very good at football. I think he will get first string.

Your family sounds very nice. I don’t know last when I spent time with all of my family, but Junie says it was just last week. I don’t believe her, because sometimes she lies and she gets Andrew and even Dad into it, but they always tell me that they’re right and if I need to go again. I don’t want to go again.

I also don’t remember when I last cried, but that’s only because I’m pretty sure I cried at Duncan’s house, and I was also probably drunk. Whenever we want to get drunk, we go to Duncan’s because he and Stephanie’s parents have an extremely long collection of alcohol, stretching from expensive wines to cheap brandy and crap whisky. We drink it anyways, because if we’ve gone to Duncan’s, than at that point it doesn’t matter, we just want to have something to blur the day. 

If we want food, we go to Carmen’s. Her dads a chef and her moms a baker who owns a bread shop downtown, but she’s boss and never goes down there so she just bakes at home. If we’re looking to have some fun, we go to Amelie or Jason’s because Amelie has an SUV that drives up really well, and theres a tall hill that isn’t quite a mountain but dangerous to shifty, unstable cars that has a great view and nice air, or because Jason has a motorcycle and a truck that let’s us drive down to a tunnel that leads to downtown through a blue bridge. After the tunnel we usually eat at Carmen’s mom’s downtown bakery or go to a diner called McCurners that has really bad gravy but very good milkshakes. 

After that, if it’s a good night at Jamie and Clarisses, we have a sleepover there, and sometimes I get yelled at because I forget what night it is, and whoops, it turns out it’s a Wednesday, but my parents let it go anyways because I never usually have this much fun or free time, since Junie and Andrew take up a lot of it with Mom and Dad canceling the divorce and looking into marriage therapy.

Anyways. It’s one of the nice nights at Jamie and Clarisses, since their parents just left to go back to New York last month, and Monty, their older brother, said he’d be back on Friday.

I hope you get a good mark in advanced english. 

Love always,

Your Friend


	5. September 18, 1991

September 16, 1991,

Dear Charlie,

Your advanced english teacher sounds very nice. We don’t have many nice teachers at Clay’s because they are all either very old and grumpy or very young and moody. 

I don’t like doing the dishes either, so when my parents aren’t looking I slip them into the washer. I think they know, but they don’t comment on it. We have an Earth Day Club at Clay’s too, but nothing much happens, because Clay’s still has a very dirty courtyard. I’m unsure if they actually do work or just hang out there. I’ll have to ask Thomas about it.

I don’t think I’ve ever listened to Asleep, but I also don’t know if I’ve ever listened to The Smiths. I probably have, but I’ll listen to Asleep if Jamie can lend me his copy(he’s a music geek,) and tell you what I think about it. If you like it, it’s probably very good.

I can’t really relate to the part about the boy being soft, because most guys at school are very intense. They do relate to the hitting part, though.

I’m sorry your sister got slapped. I’ve met a lot of guys like her boyfriend, and they all have a lot of problems. They’re real tiring to put up with, so I recommend your sister splits with him soon.

And I know it’s a little out of line for me to say this, but I’d like you to count it as advice, but your sister probably thinks she loves him. That’s why she didn’t say anything. A lot of girls delude themselves into thinking they love their boyfriends that treat them bad, until they see an actual nice guy or get a wakeup call from a friend. She really has got to break up with her boyfriend. 

I’m unsure what to say about the part in your basement. I’m sorry you had to see that, which was probably very gross and awkward. I recommend you forget about it. 

The football team probably hasn’t been the same since your brother graduated, but that comment coming out of your sisters boyfriends mouth sounds odd and a little forced.

Love always, 

Your Friend


	6. September 25, 1991

September 25, 1991,

Dear Charlie,

I’m sorry I haven’t been writing back as much. My schedule’s gotten busier, since I started working at my new job at the Blockbuster near Jamie and Clarisse’s house. I also did listen to Asleep. It’s very good. I think I may have cried or fell asleep to it at some point, but anyways, I thank you for writing about it, for I have found one of my newest favorite songs.

Also, they actually do stuff at Earth Day Club. Thomas looked a little offended when I asked, but he laughed and responded. He’s a vegetarian, so maybe that’s why he was kinda offended but then I mentioned the dirty yard behind Clay’s and he laughed. I don’t know why he laughed.

I know you’ll get a good mark on your essay for To Kill A Mockingbird, since you are a very talented writer. Though, I’m unsure because I only read these letters.

We don’t have a shop class at Clay’s. We do have band and art but the shop class teacher got layed off last year, because I think he divorced his wife and was getting very angry at his students. Atleast that’s what Carmen and Jason told me.

Amelie says the school layed off the teacher because he was getting too old, even though he’s only probably in his 50s, but Stephanie stayed adamant on her idea that he almost killed a kid. It’s probably because Duncan was in shop class and wanted to make up a funny rumour. Stephanie’s very protective of Duncan. Thomas thinks its bull. 

‘Nothing’ or Patrick, because I feel a little rude contributing to the name calling that does sound like a very old and annoying joke, sounds very funny. 

He reminds me a lot of this guy I was friends with in elementary—he moved away the summer before middle school started, but he liked to make impressions of people he didn’t like and had fun making jokes about the sports team. 

I also wish I was there to witness it. Not many people have the courage to do any inclass jokes that are risky because the staff at Clay’s doesn’t have much tolerance with students anymore. I wonder if they’ll ever get any teachers who are patient. 

Love always,

Your Friend

**Author's Note:**

> Love always,  
> Anonymous


End file.
